There is an Italian folktale about three sisters who are courted by a mysterious man. The two elder sisters reject him because he is only ever seen at night. The third one agrees to marry him. Turns out that he transforms into a tortoise during the day.
I now want to see a modern retelling of this were the youngest sister is a Twilight fangirl and is all like "oooh he must be a vampire!!!"
And then boom, tortoise 
@TarkabarkaHolgy He sleeps in his shell during the day, and only comes out at night. It could be a real gothic horror romance, if he was a snapping turtle. 
@TarkabarkaHolgy And his name was Mitch McConnell
@TarkabarkaHolgy Twist: The eldest sister is an early 00s TMNT fan and now ragingly jealous.
@TarkabarkaHolgy The situation is not at all helped by the middle sister pointing out that tortoises are distinct from turtles.
@Rose_On_Mars @TarkabarkaHolgy Gary Oldman's Dracula looked quite like a Tortoise...
"You're impossibly slow and wise. Your skin is grayish and pebbly. Your eyes are squinty, and sometimes you make noises like – like you're from a different species. You never eat or drink anything but water and lettuce. I know what you are."
"Say it. Out loud. Say it."
*whispers* "Tortoise!"
@TarkabarkaHolgy and this, I gather from the context, is supposed to be a... bad?.. thing.
@TarkabarkaHolgy @TerryHancock
As the dawn begins breaks. Bethany leaned into Kevin and whispers "I know your secret, I was not meant for this life. Take me, and make me yours."
**Horny turtle squeaks**
